Desire can be a tricky horse to ride when Ego comes along. For those of you who appreciate horseback riding, Ego is like a burr under the saddle on a horse. Whenever you put pressure on it, it pokes and digs in causing pain to the horse and upset for the rider.
Well our Ego does the same thing when we want something. Desire is a natural sign post. We are here to enjoy life, live it and experience those things that bring us joy, pleasure, entertainment. That is why so many lovely things exist!
The trouble begins when Ego jumps in and starts a conversation with you that points out where someone else has something you don’t, or what it means when what you want doesn’t happen the way you want it to happen.
For example, a couple of years ago I was in a corporate position where I had been promoted twice in fourteen months. The last promotion was not one I was excited about, in fact I even mentioned to my team that I wasn’t in it for the long haul. It didn’t occur to me to turn down a big step up, Ego was present. Then when six months into the job the company explained it was top heavy and wanted me out, I was outraged. Hurt and angry (Ego reared its ugly head) I felt rejected and betrayed. Never mind that I had felt the same way about the position, I didn’t get to leave on my terms.
This is the same thing that happens in relationships. One of my clients was dating a man she didn’t really feel strongly about, thought she had the upper hand and was settling but he made her feel adored and pampered. No judgments please, we all need to feel adored at times and she was receiving that from this dating arrangement.
So six months into it when he broke up with her saying he just wasn’t ‘feeling’ it, she was outraged and angry. How dare a man she wasn’t that into reject her! Sound familiar anyone?
This is where our Ego comes in and refocuses our brains on what we don’t have, didn’t get. It completely absorbs us when we let it and keeps us from seeing the truth in what we feel, what we want, what we love. Can you see where it has played a role in your relationships? How big a role is it occupying, hmm? It is a major player in the discontent and unhappiness I listen to all the time.
Our brain is powerful, so powerful that the best minds in the world explained that if they could build a computer that could do what our brains do, they have no way of cooling it – it would superheat and melt down. That is how amazing our brains are.
Which is why Ego is one of the unconscious survival weapons that focuses us on the specifics or details and then contracts our thinking. When we are contracting, we aren’t over-expanding and putting ourselves at risk for physical, mental or spiritual growth. It’s a self limiting behavior, part of our survival mentality.
The Universe is conspiring to give us a heavenly hand (the planetary kind if you aren’t spiritually inclined) next week with the Solar Eclipse. You get to experience your own shift in your own way, with a little more information on how to make that transition to a place where Ego has less power and you manage your unconscious in a way that suits you best. Use this time wisely if you desire a bigger, better life – whatever that means to you.
For those of you who want more and were kind enough to let me know that the time “read more” link wasn’t working here are some additional details about the call next Monday and why I am focused on relationships as the key to ‘the death of ego’.
I have been dating for more than 18 years since my divorce. Yet I feel no pressure or frustration with the dating process. I enjoy going out with someone new, I enjoy being in relationships. Whether I break up with the man or he breaks up with me, I have very good relationships with my exes. Four of the five men I have dated long term in the last 18 years are good friends. Two have even helped me when I was in difficult situations, in spite of the fact I broke up with one and the other broke up with me.
The men I have casually dated have shared wonderful glimpses of lives I would never have lived, a broader range of feelings than I have experienced and adventures I have not taken. I look forward to a date, do not dread it or feel frustrated that I am ‘still dating’. Because I manage my Ego – not that I don’t have it, I’ve simply managed it – dating has been a rich, wonderful experience for me.
One of my favorite ‘reframes’ is to notice when my brain starts kicking up or pushing back around something the man is doing that I don’t care for. Recently a good man was treating me to a lovely day at the Farmer’s Market. He is a business man used to running the show and his wife had been completely dependent on him. He kept sweetly telling me how to do things.
Then I reframed the automatic Ego response, ‘does he think I don’t know how to do this’ into pointing him towards those things he knows how to do that I don’t. Since he wanted to manage something, I wanted it to work for both of us. I received valuable insight on some technical expertise that wound up being very helpful and he stopped telling me how to prepare my favorite food. Which by the way, he wound up having a nice tip on, too, once my ego stepped back. He just wanted to feel powerful with his advice, not manage me. Everybody wins.
It is possible to be completely present for what you want and enjoy another person and not be tied up into approval, results, and tangible rewards. If you want that, I would like to share with you how I achieve this and the ways it can bring you more than you thought possible when it comes to love.
From this place of abundance, I want to share with you a way to shift, really power shift, your relationships if that is what you desire. For we are never given a desire of our hearts without the ability to make it come true. Think of that and what it means…
Yes, we do have people joining us on the call that are already in relationships. It isn’t restricted, it’s up to you how surrendering ego and managing it more effectively can empower you and where you want to put that to use in your life.
This is why I have the 75 minute coaching call next Monday night at 6:30pm PST for those people who know they are ready to have a different experience. When you are ready to put time and investment into you, things already begin to shift, you can feel it! If that is you, join the call here. Details on how to dial in will be sent to you within 24 hours of your reserving your space.
What your receive on the call is this:
You are welcome to join me if that will support your growth goals. If not, I wish you a broader vision of you and what is possible in your life than the view Ego would have you focused on believing. Here’s to less Ego and more life!