How do you keep the past from repeating? That’s the question I want to spend a little bit of time with you on between this Full Moon and Mother’s Day, ahead of a pretty big jolt coming this next week. This full moon dialed up emotions, particularly in relationships. There is a groundswell of all kinds of feelings that also stirred up conflicts. I fielded quite a few calls between people arguing and the funny thing is, they all had a core similarity.
That’s the beauty I love of this work. With so many people I get to see trends emerging further explained by the astrology in our hands and chart. The synchronicity of it all is awe-inspiring for me. What happens as more emotions flare up now is people are tempted to blame the other person (been there, done that) only to get stuck in the old behavior loops. They are greatly frustrated and want to walk away from the relationship when more often what needs release is the old pattern. These dust ups bring you right back to your own stuff and the place inside that begs for a little empathy before moving into owning responsibility.
For example, one couple I know considered a break-up. They both struggle with fear of ‘old patterns’ repeating themselves and this stands in front of the love they have for each other. For the latest fight, Andrew was hurt that his partner dismissed his fears about a credit card snafu as being over-reaction and retaliated with a sharp remark about Brian’s lack of financial contribution being why he could so easily dismiss Andrew’s concerns about the impact of a unauthorized charge.
Both of them have a history of being punished heavily for mistakes so they have a shared sensitivity to criticism and a tendency to speak it too. That plus the extra pressure from this Full Moon boiled over and led to the break up conversation. Since I heard both sides (at different times) I was very aware they both had a lot of fear around their past relationship history repeating itself and they wanted to get away from that more than they wanted to get away from each other.
How It Changes
Have you ever faced that fear? I know I have. Someone sent me a meme this week that said “It’s not the future I’m afraid of, it’s the past repeating itself over again that haunts me”. How perfect for this Full Moon, Mother’s Day and the necessary changes you can make right now. It starts with absolute commitment to a belief that what stops the past from happening again is you and every choice you make along the way. Let’s take the story I shared and apply what comes next to your own arguments but start first with compassion.
A kinder thought can be applied almost anywhere in the process of conflict and make a profound shift. If you can’t catch yourself at the beginning of the fight, can you still revisit it now with compassion for both sides. Imagine Andrew’s fear that some unauthorized charge would cause a lot of headaches, extra man hours and financial pressure at a time when he had quite a few other money demands as stressors. Picture the fear that his best effort might not be enough to keep it all going and how much depended on him keeping his balance.
Now rethink a response to Andrew that is kinder, acknowledges what he must feel and also invites him to understand the other side.
So what if Brian didn’t do it that way in the heat of the moment. There is no reason he can’t go back now and offer that to him. It changes with a simple consideration, empathy added to the conversation that says, ‘I’m on your side – we are a team in life and we’ve got each other’s back’.
Maybe you can picture Brian, feeling inadequate about having something valuable to offer the world and dismissing Andrew’s concerns because, by comparison, having an unauthorized charge that can be reversed is nothing compared to feeling like the world doesn’t see or value your talent enough to pay you a living wage. Then suddenly you can understand why he was dismissive when Andrew was so worried. It doesn’t make it right, but it makes it understandable.
This approach allows you to connect in a way that deepens your understanding of each other, gets you closer together, stops repeating the old pattern because you start out by seeing how to be on each other’s side as the end goal. This is the necessary change we badly need both on an individual level and on a global level. Less defensiveness that turns into an offense and more empathy that leads to a richer, happier solution to disagreements. This approach stops the old pattern from history in it’s tracks and it’s within your command.
Why It Matters
Remember you can stop and add these key ingredients of compassion and empathy at any time. It helps if you both do it together, but you may be required to commit to it first and stay there until others slowly drop their defensive postures. You may have to practice before you get others onboard. But practice makes perfect and this change is one worth the effort if you want to rewire a painful pattern of opposition.
This is not to advocate being a doormat – let me head that argument off at the pass. You can still hold a firm boundary on what you require to feel good about yourself and trust your partner, but it’s offered as in invitation rather than a demand or a threat. I don’t know who actually responds well to threat but my guess is it’s a pretty small percentage of the population.
With family functions around Mother’s Day, it may be an additional ingredient to help make the day a little less tense. After all family knows just how to push buttons, have you noticed? Compassion for yourself and empathy for others can be the perfect gift to give Mom this weekend. The good news is you get to benefit from it too.
All About You
If you have a Heart Line that sits low on your hand and relatively straight, this is going to be sweet relief and a challenge at the same time. You feel others criticism or comments quite strongly. But once you get it, you are incredibly good at connecting with what the other is feeling. That’s one reason you can feel the need to defend yourself – you take an emotional hit pretty hard and feel it deeply. This is why you have to start with compassion for your sensitivity. Do the Breath of Love to help get you out of the flight, fight or freeze mode and then try it a different way.
Use that breathing technique when you find you want to win the argument and get the other to admit where we are right. That’s also very natural as a place to get stuck. The challenge with the old way is you may win the battle and lose the war. The goal is to get closer – not score points for what you got right while they got it wrong. Really let this awareness get a toehold to help you choose what to do. Breathing right helps remind you that there may be more to lose than gain in continuing the fight.
For you with a higher set Heart Line or one that curves up to the fingers you have a much easier time expressing yourself and moving on without realizing the impact it may have had. Put your observer mind set on and take another look at the whole picture. Your gift for perspective will help you see it and enlarge everyone’s understanding of more global view of what caused unwelcome behaviors. Be honest about your own shortcomings with compassion and you will go easier on another’s.
A Little Extra Help
For those of you who would like a little extra compassion and want support there I’m offering you a Mother’s Day Special good until Noon Monday. You get a tune up 30 minutes session with me for an easy yes to taking care of you. We can look at your hands to see where your strengths are hiding behind old patterns and how to break free using your Astrological Transits to help give it a push. Plus we can add in the Cards to see where you are taking it all. Hands, Cards and Astrology at the price you normally get for just one. Now that’s a lot of support.
Grab yours here and get on the schedule for some quality time about you or for someone you love. Don’t worry about when we do the reading – you have lots of time to do that. Only you must make the purchase by noon Monday to receive the triple threat at a special price. Get yours HERE.
Wishing you and yours a Sweet Sunday with quality connections to those you care about, wherever you are and whatever you do.